Tuesday, April 30, 2013

She Wants A Date, Badly

(5:14:13pm) TheGuy: what up

(5:15:46pm) TheGirl: hi! I don't normally IM with people on here, but I guess I can make an exception. :)

(5:15:59pm) TheGuy: why don't you do that normally?

(5:21:24pm) TheGirl: now we are both online checking out each other's profiles, ha ha.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Big Knockers

(5:13:55pm) TheGuy: whats up

(5:14:22pm) TheGirl: Hi, not much. how are you?

(5:14:48pm) TheGuy: i'm great. you?

(5:15:04pm) TheGirl: Having a mellow afternoon :-)

(5:15:25pm) TheGuy: it's sort of hard to tell from your pictures (which I love by the way), but what's your bra size?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Quick Finisher

(5:49:06pm) TheGuy: Do you ride the ferry a lot or something?

(5:49:39pm) TheGirl: sometymes

(5:49:58pm) TheGuy: i like the ferry because of the pretty water it runs on.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Hammer, Please

(2:21:17pm) TheGuy: you're ugly.

(2:21:30pm) TheGirl: I guess you like ugly

(2:21:39pm) TheGuy: it's a gangsta term

(2:21:41pm) TheGuy: like "you're badass"

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

My Priapism

(4:20:09pm) TheGuy: I need some head. You game?

(4:20:26pm) TheGirl: what is with you?

(4:20:33pm) TheGuy: well, my penis is engorged.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I'm Lost!

(5:14:15pm) TheGuy: i have amnesia and can't remember how to get home. can you help me?

(5:51:36pm) TheGirl: wha?

(5:51:52pm) TheGuy: i'm lost and i forget who i am.

(5:51:54pm) TheGuy: i need help.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Sing Into My Purple Mic

(6:11:48pm) TheGuy: have you ever sung using a purple microphone?

(6:12:15pm) TheGirl: What do you mean?

(6:12:23pm) TheGuy: a microphone colored purple.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Dating Is Hard

(9:09:49pm) TheGuy: wow

(9:10:05pm) TheGirl: wow what?!?!

(9:10:08pm) TheGirl: you got me excited

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Mr. Small Penis

(9:37:10pm) TheGuy: i cant feel my testicles!

(9:37:29pm) TheGirl: ummm thats terrible

(9:37:36pm) TheGuy: it's fucking awful!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Help! I'm Lactating!

(9:40:17pm) TheGuy: i think i'm lactating!

(9:40:25pm) TheGirl: Excuse me?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Failed Pickup Lines, Vol. 1

(4:57:34pm) TheGuy: are you actually a robot?


(4:44:43pm) TheGuy: what happens when a bisexual woman and a bisexual man hook up?


(4:40:34pm) TheGuy: I know you're in New Jersey, but I just wanted to say that I really, really like your breasts.


(9:36:33pm) TheGuy: i have 2 testes.


(5:20:50pm) TheGuy: ok ok so what *does* your shit smell like?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Ouch, My Box!

(6:12:40pm) TheGuy: hey - what does it mean if a lady asks me to "stop punching me in the box."

(6:12:40pm) TheGirl: i'm still at work, at quite busy... multitasking. just saw your note

(6:12:40pm) TheGuy: ?