Tuesday, April 30, 2013

She Wants A Date, Badly

(5:14:13pm) TheGuy: what up

(5:15:46pm) TheGirl: hi! I don't normally IM with people on here, but I guess I can make an exception. :)

(5:15:59pm) TheGuy: why don't you do that normally?

(5:21:24pm) TheGirl: now we are both online checking out each other's profiles, ha ha.

(5:21:31pm) TheGuy: Yeah totally

(5:21:54pm) TheGuy: What's the deal with being divorced?

(5:22:57pm) TheGirl: uh, I am divorced. I'm laughing, what does your question mean, what's the deal with it? Did that freak you out?

(5:23:16pm) TheGuy: No I'm just curious what the deal is.

(5:23:26pm) TheGuy: Like, how is that?

(5:24:09pm) TheGuy: Is it tough? Fun? Ok? I could imagine it being kind of fun to be single again after being married.

(5:24:27pm) TheGirl: I was married for 10 years, best friends, we drifted apart. Got married at 23, divorced at 33. Finally getting out into the dating world. We are still friends, so ill will.

(5:24:58pm) TheGuy: Do you think you will get back together?

(5:25:17pm) TheGirl: Oh ok, well it was really tough at first, and weird, to say that I'm divorced. I was so settled down, so it was not fun to be single at first. But now I love it! Moved to SF in Jan and love it. And am ready to be out there.

(5:25:29pm) TheGirl: Oh hell no. We just are on good terms, which is cool. But never back together.

(5:25:50pm) TheGirl: how about you, never married? No kids?

(5:26:03pm) TheGuy: No and no for me.

(5:26:14pm) TheGuy: Did you guys disagree on having kids?

(5:26:36pm) TheGirl: Ya I'm so glad we didn't have kids. We just kept putting it off and maybe for good reason.

(5:26:53pm) TheGuy: have you dated at all since the breakup?

(5:26:57pm) TheGirl: I'm not sure I want kids actually. Love them, but...my sis has 4, that's enough for the both of us.

(5:27:18pm) TheGuy: that's a lot of kids!

(5:27:27pm) TheGuy: so what's your hoped-for outcome of being on this site?

(5:27:52pm) TheGirl: Not really. I wasn't ready for awhile, I needed to work thru it all on my own. I've done a little dabbling. :) But not really, just joined this to get back out there.

(5:28:17pm) TheGuy: Oh so you're looking for a rebound!

(5:28:24pm) TheGuy: That's my specialty

(5:28:42pm) TheGirl: good questions! this is a good screening process you've got. :) I want to date and meet people and go do fun things, check out bands, whatever. and if it turns into more...then great. But I'm not looking for a life partner at this point.

(5:29:04pm) TheGirl: haha rebound. perfect. I think i passed my window to call it rebound. 2 years later.

(5:29:09pm) TheGirl: what's your story?

(5:29:33pm) TheGirl: besides what I read on your profile. what are you looking for on this site?

(5:29:58pm) TheGuy: I'm hanging out on here, meeting different people. I usually date someone for 30 to 60 days.

(5:30:24pm) TheGirl: what's with the 30 to 60 days? Is that your expiration date? Like eggs or something.

(5:30:44pm) TheGuy: Yeah. I find that the endorphin release starts to fade around day 60

(5:30:57pm) TheGuy: My primary goal in life is high orgasm intensity (like most men)

(5:31:29pm) TheGirl: ah, so honest, thanks for that! So when it starts to get boring or real, you are out. Passion is over?

(5:31:53pm) TheGuy: Well, it really depends. Most ladies are only good at one or maybe two things. So you sort of do that a bunch and then move on.

(5:32:04pm) TheGuy: I might go gay for a while, just to increase the intensity for a bit

(5:32:09pm) TheGuy: Have you tried that?

(5:34:01pm) TheGirl: um no. are you being serious or kidding? can't tell

(5:34:08pm) TheGuy: Well I haven't done it yet.

(5:34:13pm) TheGuy: So joking I guess

(5:34:19pm) TheGirl: interesting

(5:34:36pm) TheGuy: What do you find produces the highest orgasm intensity?

(5:35:13pm) TheGirl: not sure I'm ready to have that conversation with you. no offense. I'm not a prude...but i don't even know you a little bit.

(5:35:23pm) TheGirl: but you can tell me :)

(5:35:29pm) TheGuy: Well, it must be something involving your genitals.

(5:35:35pm) TheGuy: If not, that would be pretty odd.

(5:36:15pm) TheGuy: So if I *had* to tell you what produces the highest orgasm intensity for you,

(5:36:34pm) TheGuy: I would guess either a vibrator or a tongue on your clit with some gentle, yet firm, anal stimulation.

(5:37:28pm) TheGirl: ok well clearly you've done this before. both the "sexting" and the act. :) I thought you were going to answer it for you.

(5:37:44pm) TheGirl: does this usually work for you, to start talking orgasms right off the bat with girls?

(5:38:02pm) TheGuy: Yes.

(5:38:18pm) TheGuy: In my experience, women's two favorite topics are orgasms and anuses.

(5:39:00pm) TheGirl: just so you know i'm laughing right now, but i need a few drinks before I have this conversation. with you, who i dont know.

(5:40:02pm) TheGuy: Drinks of what?

(5:40:09pm) TheGuy: Are we talking semen here?

(5:40:45pm) TheGirl: mind in the gutter, no we are talking alcohol. i can have this conversation at midnight, not at 5:30pm. you're strange.

(5:41:05pm) TheGirl: so are you trolling for girls on here to be fuck buddies? just curious, no judgement

(5:41:23pm) TheGuy: Listen, I love to fuck.

(5:41:28pm) TheGuy: And, I can make you laugh

(5:41:32pm) TheGuy: so, what's the problem?

(5:42:37pm) TheGirl: guess i'm not used to it just being out there, 5 minutes into a conversation. you're saying this approach normally works for you? maybe I'm the strange one.

(5:43:07pm) TheGuy: What do you mean "works"?

(5:43:14pm) TheGuy: Do you mean like we'd be having sex tonight?

(5:43:44pm) TheGirl: haha, ya that's what I mean, do girls actually fall for this and meet up with you to have sex when they just met you online?

(5:43:58pm) TheGuy: what do you mean fall for it? btw what's your name.

(5:44:19pm) TheGirl: does it matter? :)

(5:44:23pm) TheGirl: TheGirl

(5:44:28pm) TheGuy: Nah but it's nice to know.

(5:44:35pm) TheGirl: yours?

(5:44:41pm) TheGuy: Mine's TheGuy

(5:44:44pm) TheGuy: So, TheGirl, this isn't a matter of something "working".

(5:44:55pm) TheGuy: You're an adult woman. You can decide if you want a night of pleasure with a man (or 60 in my case)

(5:45:07pm) TheGirl: i mean your approach, its slightly unconventional.

(5:45:34pm) TheGuy: So?

(5:45:54pm) TheGuy: Look, maybe I'm relationship material, maybe not.

(5:46:01pm) TheGirl: well that's an interesting offer, I'll have to think about it...

(5:46:13pm) TheGuy: What are you protecting here?

(5:46:18pm) TheGuy: It's not like you're a 15 year old girl.

(5:46:41pm) TheGuy: Oh and another point.

(5:46:48pm) TheGuy: How often do dudes make you laugh quickly like that?

(5:46:54pm) TheGirl: that's fine, maybe I'm not relationship material either. maybe I do just need to get laid.

(5:47:04pm) TheGirl: and yes, you have made me laugh.

(5:47:05pm) TheGuy: I think you do.

(5:47:24pm) TheGirl: some girls would be offended though right? I'm not easily offended, i'm just saying

(5:47:31pm) TheGuy: Listen, TheGirl, I'll be just as gentle as you want. Except for the last 90 seconds or so. I have to be a little rougher to really peak the orgasm.

(5:47:53pm) TheGuy: Nah. Most girls love the dirty talk. The earlier and more intense, the better.

(5:48:08pm) TheGuy: Plus, I have great punctuation and grammar. You can see the ivy league oozing out of me.

(5:48:26pm) TheGuy: Virtually. In person the only thing that oozes is the semen after the first few spurts.

(5:49:04pm) TheGirl: You have left me speechless.

(5:49:09pm) TheGirl: are you at work right now?

(5:49:11pm) TheGuy: Just give in.

(5:49:13pm) TheGuy: Yeah

(5:49:32pm) TheGuy: I'm taking off soon. My perfect evening is you and me, a couple drinks, and then around an hour of foreplay + sex.

(5:49:58pm) TheGirl: well I'll tell you that it won't happen tonight. if that is what you are shooting for.

(5:50:04pm) TheGuy: why not?

(5:50:10pm) TheGuy: take a chance!

(5:50:29pm) TheGirl: I have plans tonight. and I have a bikini wax tomorrow, so there's that.

(5:50:36pm) TheGuy: i could help with that

(5:51:00pm) TheGirl: oh no, shaving is not an option. bad results.

(5:51:14pm) TheGirl: but really, i'm going out with my cousin tonight, it's her birthday.

(5:51:16pm) TheGuy: No no. I can wax you or sugar you. Whatever works. I'm really good at interacting with vulvae.

(5:51:32pm) TheGirl: good to know.

(5:51:37pm) TheGuy: This is perfect actually

(5:51:44pm) TheGirl: no it isn't!

(5:51:45pm) TheGuy: You can come over and then I'll just take care of that area for, say, an hour.

(5:52:04pm) TheGuy: I'll give you a wax and then whip up a little "oil" for you to rub in.

(5:52:56pm) TheGirl: ok back up the train. You just started to IM me but hadn't even looked at my profile yet? What if we aren't even attracted to each other? What happened to meeting for a drink first?

(5:53:08pm) TheGuy: I looked at your profile! It's right here.

(5:53:25pm) TheGuy: We can have a drink, but the key is getting to fondle your genitals (for me at least).

(5:53:39pm) TheGuy: And also I need a super-intense orgasm (without drugs)

(5:54:03pm) TheGirl: what gives you the "super-intense orgasm"?

(5:55:01pm) TheGuy: Intense stimulation of my penis. Usually using your vagina.

(5:55:11pm) TheGuy: Also, I like a lady who's not afraid to wear a buttplug.

(5:55:45pm) TheGirl: oh well that's a novel idea. Oh the buttplug part just came through. Ya I've never done that. But I read Fifty Shades of Grey, so I've heard of it. ha ha

(5:56:05pm) TheGuy: I can also use a mouth/throat.

(5:57:14pm) TheGirl: Listen TheGuy, you would probably actually give me the orgasm of my life, at least you are setting up to appear that way. So I'm going to think about you and if I'm still thinking about you later, I will let you know. But nobody is seeing this vagina before my wax appointment.

(5:57:30pm) TheGuy: Why not? Is something wrong with it?

(5:57:40pm) TheGirl: so if you are trying to track down a hook up for tonight, I don't want to take up your time!

(5:57:44pm) TheGirl: no its just messy!!

(5:57:51pm) TheGuy: That doesn't sound good...

(5:57:55pm) TheGirl: you have to grow it out for the wax so it's not pretty.

(5:58:23pm) TheGuy: Is it usually pretty?

(5:58:34pm) TheGirl: when its waxed it is!

(5:58:46pm) TheGuy: What's its best feature?

(5:59:33pm) TheGirl: that it can give you an intense orgasm! that's its best use I guess.

(5:59:47pm) TheGuy: Now you're talking my language. So when are we going to sex?

(6:00:04pm) TheGirl: going to sex?

(6:00:13pm) TheGuy: Yeah. I'm using sex as a verb.

(6:00:17pm) TheGuy: It's a porny move.

(6:00:24pm) TheGirl: corny or porny?

(6:00:48pm) TheGuy: Porny. Like "of or pertaining to porn."

(6:00:52pm) TheGuy: Oh also can I videotape our romp?

(6:01:02pm) TheGirl: Uh no. Absolutely not.

(6:01:11pm) TheGirl: and what makes you so sure that I will sex with you?

(6:01:40pm) TheGirl: You are way out my league here. I'm just back in the dating world and now you are freaking me out.

(6:01:50pm) TheGuy: Sure sure. Be freaked out.

(6:01:53pm) TheGuy: I'm not sure you'll sex me.

(6:01:56pm) TheGuy: But I do know you want to.

(6:02:38pm) TheGirl: you might be right. i do like a guy who takes control. The instigator, clearly that is you.

(6:03:13pm) TheGuy: Yes it is. And yes you want it.

(6:03:18pm) TheGirl: I need to go shower, get ready for the big night out so if I'm still thinking about you later, I'll message you. If you're online.

(6:03:33pm) TheGuy: Here. Give me your cell number and I'll text you.

(6:03:43pm) TheGirl: text or sext?

(6:03:53pm) TheGuy: For now, just text. I'm actually a pretty reasonable person.

(6:03:57pm) TheGirl: what does your screen name mean?

(6:04:02pm) TheGuy: It's just a made up name.

(6:04:19pm) TheGirl: reasonable, haha that is funny.

(6:04:19pm) TheGirl:

(6:04:34pm) TheGuy: See? Still making you laugh.

(6:04:42pm) TheGirl: You give me your number and if I decide to get in touch, I'll text you.

(6:04:58pm) TheGuy: No. You give me yours.

(6:05:06pm) TheGuy: Then I'll text you so we'll each have the other person's.

(6:05:21pm) TheGirl: why won't you give me yours first then?

(6:05:34pm) TheGuy: Because it's a blow-off move and I'm not falling for that.

(6:05:38pm) TheGuy: You need to take a chance here TheGirl.

(6:05:39pm) TheGirl: haha

(6:05:46pm) TheGuy: If you're not willing to take even a small chance, then forget it.

(6:05:52pm) TheGuy: That means you won't bring the big O for me.

(6:06:16pm) TheGirl: well now you've built it up and made me nervous! Ok here's my number jeez!

(6:06:23pm) TheGirl: XXX-XXX-XXXX

(6:06:32pm) TheGirl: is your name really TheGuy?

(6:06:34pm) TheGuy: Yes.

(6:06:40pm) TheGuy: Alright TheGirl I'll text you in a few minutes.

(6:06:46pm) TheGuy: XXX is a weird area code.

(6:06:53pm) TheGirl: MyHomeState

(6:06:57pm) TheGuy: Yup. Just checked.

(6:07:27pm) TheGuy: Ok now we have each other's details. Next up will be a wax for you, probably some masturbation thinking about me, a wax, then a drink and hours of pleasure (for 60 days max)

(6:08:29pm) TheGirl: i don't have yours...what makes you so sure I'll masturbate thinking of you?

(6:08:42pm) TheGuy: You will. You love the chase.

(6:08:58pm) TheGirl: haha clearly you've done this before. :)

(6:09:20pm) TheGuy: Not with you (yet).

(6:09:30pm) TheGuy: Ok I'll text you shortly so we can begin our affair. Deal?

(6:09:40pm) TheGirl: Deal.

(6:09:49pm) TheGuy: Do you want me to text you a picture of my erect penis?

(6:11:00pm) TheGirl: oh my god ya I do but not until later tonight. What am I going to do with that right now/ Time and place my friend. I need some drinks before I talk to you next. I'm not sending you a naked pic when I don't know you.

(6:11:21pm) TheGuy: Ok perfect.

(6:11:49pm) TheGirl: ok bye, text me later.

(6:11:57pm) TheGuy: Yup. Will do. Have a fun night TheGirl.

(6:12:03pm) TheGirl: you too